Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Are we home yet????

My friend Linda is in the hospital. She told me she is bored. (Maybe she shouldn't have told me that... I can get a wee bit creative sometimes, lol)

So here, without further ado.... Just for you Linda,

Top 20 things to do 
when you're stuck in the Hospital 

It’s a little-known fact that most hospital beds can be lengthened. Choose a moment when the nurses are busy, (maybe during their nap time), and extend  the bed. This may result in a flury of cute doctors and attendants scurrying to wonder how the heck your legs shrank. Just act nonchalant, or you may land on the front page of the enquirer. Oh, but that may be fun too.

When the janitor is off, borrow two poles, attach a pair of shoes. Now grab that bucket of paint that you carefully were hiding in the bathroom ... dip the sole of each shoe in some paint and proceed to make footprints on the ceiling. When nurses ask where the footprints came from, just casually respond it was the new exercises that the physiotherapist recommended.

Redecorate your room with hospital supplies. Interesting patterns can be made from simple things like bandaids, IV tubing....

Organize a national day of wheelchair races down the corridors.

Act like a duck the next time the doctor comes around. Make sure to ask him what time the pond opens for your noontime swim.

Ask that hunky male nurse to give you a bed bath. Suggest he might need help and should send for a few firemen just to be on the safe side.

Start a food fight in the cafeteria. Make sure you're the first to grab the mashed potatoes.

Stand in a doorway with an IV filled with water and spray passing people.

Polish your finger and toe nails. Since you will not have any nailpolish, use a q tip and some of the yellow iodine tincture. It will look unique and clever.

If there is a suggestion box in the hospital cafeteria, write “cocktail hour” on several notes to fill it.

Take three pigs, and label them 1, 2, and 4. Then let them loose around the hospital. When they find these pigs they will wonder where #3 is, and will continue looking.

Place a bunch of pillows on a wheel chair in the shape of a person, then cover with a blanket. Leave a little note pinned to the blanket saying “do not wake!” Then put the wheelchair in the elevator.

Make beautiful water fountain statue out of syringes, I.V. tubes, and bedpans. 

Fill several hospital gloves with water and start a water balloon fight in the children's ward. The nurses LOVE this.

Turn around in the bed and put your feet on the pillow, even funnier if you cover yourself except for the feet. Draw little faces on your toes.

Blow up a glove & hold it closed. When staff comes to examine you... Use it like a whoopy cushion ... Just look at another person with a sly smile.

During the night cover everything in your room with aluminum foil.... when the nurses wake you the next morning, calmly say, “See? It worked! The aliens didn't abduct me last night.”

Get one of those giant remote controlled balloons – make sure it's a pink elephant. When people come in to visit you, pretend you don't see it.

Learn a new musical instrument. Make sure it's portable for wheelchair rides. Trumpets are perfect. Mornings are the best time to practice.

and THE number ONE thing to do?

Make a list of all the things you will do when this phase of your life is over. It doesn’t matter how crazy or unlikely they are, just write them down. There is a life after this, and you have the right to dream big.

Wishing you a speedy recovery Linda
may you soon be dancing again 


Nicole M said...

Oh Helen, you sure can make me laugh. I'm not sure which is my favourite, but I hope that you never find yourself in a hospital with time on your hands - the staff will never forget your visit if that happens! Now to see if we can get Linda up to some of this mischief!

Linda Thompson said...

Thanks for making me smile once again, I enjoyed reading this

Linda Thompson said...

Thanks for making me smile once again, I enjoyed reading this